HEY HEY HEY!! This past semester I got a chance to work on an illustrative story book for a publication class which was super exciting and scary at the same time! Believe me when I say I don't draw and have never really painted digitally like this before, but God has shown me His goodness and faithfulness throughout this process, I have a smile on my face thinking back at all the late nights, the struggles, the hardships, the surprises, the patiences, encouragement and support I have experienced through the making of this project. it's come a long way, still a working progress and I STILL FOUND SPELLING MISTAKESSSSS... Believe it or not, the concept actually started a year and a half ago, during my first class (Visualisation Illustration) in the MFA program. Back then, I spent the semester developing a basic storyboard, character, was planning to make an animation and even did 3D models for the project, but I ended up not making the animation and finished the class with a basic concept on this concept of emptiness. I have mentioned this before, I haven't really done much artistically before coming to the MFA program so seeing the difference from the first initial storyboard (first semester in the program) to the finished project shows how great of a God I serve. It's not about me and not in my ability or strength, if God calls you to do something, just go and do it, cause HE will surprise you, HE will give you the ability, just have a willing heart! Here are the initial sketches from that class =P
Hollow started when I was asked to solve a problem with a visual solution... Coming from Macau China, the "problem" that I settled on was the issue of emptiness. Macau is the gambling capital of the world, materialism, chasing a better life, and in search of "happiness" are things I grew up being surrounded by. Thankfully, growing up in a Christian home, I got to know Jesus Christ as my personal saviour and found true fulfilment and joy in Christ. But many are living that life style of searching for the next "high", and it's draining, it's tiring and it's never ending... My mom always illustrated emptiness like this: We all have a hollow space in our hearts that only God can fill up, and when we put other things in this hole, they fall out, we might be "happy" during the brief moment it's going through, but it falls out. However, once Jesus fills that hollow space, I not longer depend on these "other things" to bring me joy, once I have Jesus, everything else is an added blessing, but I'm already whole. So God used the visualisation illustration class to develop a basic concept, a direction for Hollow.
Ok,,, so this semester, I took a publication class and between my three initial ideas of "the history of gum", "the journey of the heart" and "hollow", I've decided to use the class to continue on this concept of emptiness and decided to do an full on illustrative book, which was a crazy idea. In 4 months, I had to have a good story that depicts the concept of emptiness in an engaging yet simple way and then have to somehow illustrate and print out an actual book?? I still remember proposing the plan to the class and saying "I'm going to die", but once again, this project is not about me, God was working a year and a half ago, I am still in awe looking at the pages. All I knew going into the project was that blue was the main color and the character has a puppet element to it. Story development took longer than expected which gave me only a month to work on digital painting the pages. I got to meet with professors and friends who challenged my storyline, "why is this here?", "what does this mean?", "is the theology correct?". During this process, I had changed the story 4 times and the pages went from 32pages --> 60 pages --> 36 pages, and the text style went from a first person reaction style to a narrative style. My professor challenged me to create four variations per scene which was incredibly helpful adding depth to the scenes and story being told. There were so many difficult moment in which I honestly wanted to give up, when I struggled with drawing and story development, and I have tried to squeeze content out but It doesn't work, many times God will show up last minute when I finally once again come back in humility and admit that I can't do this on my own. I also have to thank all my friends who took time looking over my dummy books, giving me feedback and suggestions and checking for grammar and spelling mistakes, I am beyond thankful for everyone involved in the process!
After finalising on the context of the story, painting it was the next big challenge, how detail should the textures be? how do you control the lighting? what colours to use? how are the colours going to translate when printed? where do you start? how do you start? yes... I really didn't know. But start somewhere, I started with the first two pages and then redoing them for a few time before finding a color scheme?? that fits the emptiness vibe. It took close to two weeks figuring out what colors I should use and how to keep the few pages I was working on consistent throughout, I wanted to give up, at this point I have 2 weeks left to finish 13 pages and I wanted to change the more cinematic style to a simple line art cause I couldn't see myself finishing everything in the given time. But my classmates and professors encouraged and pushed me to continue with the more cinematic style. They also made it clear that I don't have to illustrate every single detail of what is happening, let the context and the readers imagination do the connecting work, that was a lesson I had to learn coming from an animating mindset of this leads to that. So in the end everything was finished in time, I have grow and learn so so so so so much during this process, so humbled by the finished product, and can't wait to see how God might use it, if possible even have it translated into different languages and animated?? I don't know, would want to eventually keep working on it or at least make small detailed adjustments before making it public and publishing it. God is good!! thanks for making it through this incredulity LONGGGG blog and being on this journey with me =]
1 Comment
HEY, HEY, HEY,, I'm back in my lovely little space in the land I was born, Macau China, still in awe of the fact that I actually lived in America this past year, and took on a field I had never even dreamed of having any connection with.....
One year passes so fast if you're not paying attention, but at the same time, so so so so so much can happen within a year. For me, I don't even know where to begin with, from the first awkward "Hi, I'm heather from Macau"?? The challenges and trials that came along the way?? The battles acknowledged and overcame?? The friendships built?? The scary steps of saying "Yes" and opening up?? hahaha,, like I said, much as happened, and maybe, just maybe ;P one day I'll share them with you, But one thing I've definitely learnt throughout this year, one thing that God has constantly been teaching me is that "I'm honestly not that special" hahah,, ok, before you hate on me, hear me out =] Guys, when God calls you to do something or go somewhere, what's your respond? How much time would you need to think? How many times do we say "no, I'm not good enough"?? God switched my path from Communications to Digital Art. Being in America?? Pursing a Master of Fine Arts?? The highest degree in the Art field?? How crazy is that?! But that was exactly what I've been doing this past year... and let me tell you, it's INTIMIDATING sitting in a classroom where everyone has been at least 4 years down the road in this "art" journey, and that is "AT LEAST". Still remember walking up to my digital painting professor the first day of class as he pointed at me and said, "here's my special case" LOL And yes, I had days of wondering whether or not I'm good enough,, was I crazy for coming and taking this step,, and getting art "basic" in a Master's program?? But as these thoughts creeps in, God met me where I was. Throughout this whole year, one huge theme that God continually brought up was :"this is not about you, stop looking at yourself and fix you eyes on me", and let. me. tell. you. that GOD . IS . PATIENT . when he spends 6 months constantly pouring His word over me on this one theme. He took His time and started me off with the book of Esther, I've mentioned this before in my post "If I Hadn't Fail 5th Grade" but I'll bring it up again, cause it's how it started =P "For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” - Esther 4 : 14 - It is a privilege to work along side God, when He calls and invites you to be apart of His plans, don't think tooo highly of yourselves, it's actually humbling to know that God doesn't "need" to use you, if you say "No", He can just ask and ARISE someone else! You are not that special. But then you'll miss out on the adventure/blessings that comes along aside with God's calling =] Ok now, let's say you answered God's call, which I honestly courage you to! If he is calling you to do something or go somewhere, JUST DO IT! So often we start to fear after answering God's calling, fear of not being fit for the job, fear of messing up, fear of what other people think..... But remember, where God guides, He provides. Esther had to go into a 12 month training before even stepping foot in the task God has called her to do!! (Esther 2:12) God took the time to train and prepare her for the job He had called her to do. God is equipping you/me right now! I honestly don't have a clear picture of what I'll be doing exactly? but God knows and am equipping me accordingly. But then it's SO easy for us to start looking around and comparing with those around us and eventually lose sight of who God is in our life and putting our emphasis on the skills we (think we) have. I've been there, and it's draining!! Isaiah 22 : 8 & 11 says this, ".......You looked in that day to the armor of the House of the Forest........But you did not look to its Maker........ " In a worldly mindset, if you're going to war, your confidence is probably placed on the level & amount of weapons you possess; if you are taking on a job, your confidence is placed on the skills and tools you possess. But when we live a surrendered life to the Lord, where should we put our confidences? where should we fix our eyes on? That verse states it so well, they did not look to its Maker, but I pray that you do. Last verse,,,, have you read the Bible and just start laughing and mumble the words, "God you are funny"?? I have, many times hahah =] I read this verse and ran out to tell my sister!! "A highway shall be there, and a road, And it shall be called the Highway of Holiness. The unclean shall not pass over it, But it shall be for others. Whoever walks the road, although a fool, Shall not go astray." -Isaiah 35 : 8- The people walking on this highway are cleansed by the blood of Christ, so if you accept Christ as your saviour and confesses your sins, you are one of those who can pass and walk on this Highway of Holiness =] Ok now when that has gone through your head, check this out "Whoever walks the road, although a FOOL, shall not go astray" this was so funny to me cause in a way it's SO true lol, I'm one of those walking on this road, but I'm a FOOL, I'm CRAZY, I'm WEIRD, I don't know what I am doing, AND IT IS OK!! cause I "shall not go astray"! and you ask why? Cause God is leading me each step of the way. So when the world calls you crazy for doing something God has placed in your heart, fix your eyes on God, fix your eyes on the MAKER and don't look at the "armour" in your house!! =D This year has been the most quiet and chill Christmas and New Year's Day for me, because my roommates are out of State and I'm practically stuck at home most days without my drivers license, but at the same time, it gave me so much time to spend with the Lord and think about life. One particular thing I've been pondering about is my purpose for being in the States this season in life. If you've been reading my previous blogs, you'll know how God had brought me here miraculously to be equipped, but is that all? What else does He have in store? How else can I be used by Him? This holiday season I've started the book of Esther... "For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place . . . Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Esther 4 : 14 There are some amazing reminders in this verse . . . First, God is always in control, it's a privilege to serve God with our gifts and talents, cause if I don't answer to His calling then He will raise up someone else, His WILL will be done despite us, but He invites us to work along side Him. Second, God never wastes His equipping or timing, He placed Esther in a position where she can complete her task, then He gave her the wisdom and courage she needed, and as she took the leap of faith, God just orchestrated everything else afterwards. As I was studying the book of Esther, a thought kept popping into my head, and I spent two FREEZING nights laying on the ground, gazing at the galaxy, pondering on "what will happen if I hadn't fail 5th grade?", "what will happen if I hadn't been held back a year?" Currently still sick from being in the cold, but it was so worth it! What. Will. Happen. I'm asking this question not in a negative way, but in a way that leaves me in AWE. If you know what I mean. Who is Esther that God will make her queen among all the young women in the kingdom? Who am I that God will care to hold me back a year so all His other plans may fall in place? Why was I the one who inherited dyslexia among my siblings? Why was I the one who had to go through all the pain with math and spelling? Surprisingly, I had cried many many nights when I was young but I don't recall complaining about it. So, as a result, I failed 5th grade, had to repeat the year, had to make new friends, had the pressure to not fail again and get kicked out of school. Thinking back, I have a smile on my face. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If I hadn't fail 5th grade, I wouldn't have . . . ( "-->" reads as "which led to") 1) Met CC --> Learning iMovie --> Trying designing 2) Met my high school crush --> Having a broken heart for 2 years --> God teaching and renewing my perspective and values on dating, love and relationships 3) Won speech contest in Macau --> Winning 1st in China's nation wide speech contest --> Getting principle recommendation for college --> Getting full scholarship for my BA --> God's provision for my MFA 4) Gotten in the Honours College --> Going on a semester of exchange in D.C. for free --> Finding a passion for animating --> Hearing about the bible project --> Getting accepted to LU --> Doing my Master's the same time as my sister --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- These are just the BIG things that happened because I had dyslexia and failed 5th grade. Many may ask, "Why do bad things happen?", well, my answer to that will be, "how do you know it's 'bad' without seeing the whole picture?" Growing up, I always knew God had a plan and reason for holding me back a year, but I wasn't able to see more of that "picture" till recently and recall the countless blessings I've received because of it. Many things happen that are labeled "coincidence", or human happening, but in reality they are "God-incidence". So going back to my first question, "Is that all? What else does God have in store? How else can I be used by Him?", I honesty DON"T KNOW!! but I'm EXPECTING Him =] A little side note on something that kinda popped up a few days ago . . . Being in the MFA for a semester has been a great experience, learnt a lot, done things I didn't know I can, but it was also a little bit intimidating. Now that I'm "IN" the program, it's like all of the sudden I have to produce "amazing" art work, especially when you see other artist constantly creating great content, makes me wonder, "What am I doing with my life right now?" that thought stayed for half a day and it was DRAINING!! But then God met me with a few verses in Revelation . . . "Grace to you and peace from Hm who is and who was and is to come" v .1 : 4 " 'I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End', says the Lord, ' who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty' " v .1 : 8 "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last" v . 1 : 11 ". . . Do not be afraid; I am the First and the Last. I am He who lives, and was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore. Amen. And I have the keys of Hades and of Death." v . 1 : 17-18 First of all, the whole "art" journey God has redirected me in is so new to me that it's normal (??) for me to not be amazing all the time??? =P Second, why am I stressing myself out for not putting out "art"?? I'm not an artist in the first place, I'm just a tool for God, so live for Him. He is THE Alpha and Omega!! That is the most important thing for me to hold on to in life. I'm not saying that I'm not going to push myself to be equipped, but it's the mindset of needing to "be amazing, and creative" that can take my focus off of God. So, yep, I'm officially not stressing myself out and just letting God work in and through me =D ---------------------------------- Merry Christmas & Happy New Year -----------------------------------
*This post ended up a bit longer than expected, but hope you'll enjoy it =D
Have you looked at David, Esther and Joseph just be in awe of how God has been preparing them for something huge way before hand?? How He trained David through him being a shepherd, how He made Esther queen to save her people, how He brought Joseph to Egypt to save the kingdom years later.... God is amazing when it comes to planning, today a want to share a "short" story of how God had taken care of something happening in my life right now about 20 years ago =] As a missionary family, my parents don't receive salary and the family lives by overseas offerings from friends and churches. Throughout my life it's been a lesson of faith of how God provides just enough. When we were going through school, our parents never knew when we'll have to drop out, but every time we just enough to get by =] When we graduated from high school, none of us dreamed of going to university but God made way miraculously, my two brothers and I got full scholarships and someone volunteered to sponsor my sister's tuition all the way to her doctor's degree if she wants to get one!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A little background on myself, I inherited dyslexia from my dad which gave me much difficulty from primary and up, I've even failed 5th grade cause I got 30 on my Maths exam, anyways, the point is that me getting a full scholarship going into university is beyond imagination and I really don't know how to explain it if it wasn't God. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ok, if you think that was amazing, sit tight cause this will blow your time!! During my last year of high school, my godmother and her family came to visit us from Singapore. We went and had dinner and she told me something that made me felt out of the chair!!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We met around 20 years ago when she and a group of college kids came to Macau for a missions trip, I was around 2 years old, a chubby, active, troublesome girl, she was a 20-ish kid who's about to finish university. She told my mom that she wanted to be my godmother, not only did she very sincerely write a letter, explaining her background, she even gave me a little gold baby bracelet that her mother gave her to show how serious she was. Guys, I was 2!! she was 20-ish!! WHAT IS GOING ON?? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ok, back to the dinner story..... She took out a set of ear rings, and two necklaces, she gave them to me and then told my parents and I to sit tight, she said, "heather, I've been saving up a college fund for you after I went back to Singapore, and it will be ready next year" Just imagine the faces of me and my parents. we were like, "God! What are you doing?!" we were blown away, college fund??? (I didn't know I will be receiving a full scholarship then, so it was like, "I have a chance to go to college?!") the family was stoked to hearing the news!! isn't God amazing?!?! Ever since then I kept wondering and asking God, "Lord, you gave me this amount of money, what are you planning for my life? How should I use it?" I know God won't gave me something for me to waste, and I know that this money came from God, and He has a purpose for it, I didn't want to waste it so I kept praying about it. So later on I got the full scholarship of my bachelors degree in Macau, I've never though about getting a Masters degree or anything for financial reasons, but since I didn't have to use the money my godmother saved up for me during university, is there a possibility for a Master's degree?? I started thinking about where God might be calling me to, and during my third year, I really sparked an interest in graphic design, animation and digital stuff (this is what my next post will be about, so I won't go into the details here =]), and two summers ago I heard about the BIBLE PROJECT, and was really inspired by their work. I was more and more sure that animation and graphic design might be where he is leading me, so I started looking for schools. MAN! Graduate Schools are EXPENSIVE!! especially in digital art majors and the "animation" institutions are even worst, I was about to give up looking when God put the though of "Liberty University" in my head, it's where my sister was getting her bachelors degree.. So I checked it out. Liberty was supposed to be the cheapest private Christian university out there, and long story short, I was calculating the tuition cost one afternoon and was feeling hopeless cause the amount I've calculated was double of what I could afford for. I was hopeless and lost and picked up my Bible, and the as I was reading Proverbs 30, and God met me right there right then... "“Two things I ask of you, Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God." Proverbs 30:7-9 I saw that verse and I was crying, I was praying it as a prayer to God and telling myself maybe God has other plans for this amount of money given to me. I kept reading that verse over and over again, God has been faithful all through my life, I trust in Him, whatever plans he has. Afterwards I felt the need to re-calculate the tuition and guess what?! IT WAS EXACTLY THE AMOUNT MY GODMOTHER GAVE ME!!! I was like, WHAT?!! I was so exited, re-calculate over and over again to make sure I didn't get it wrong again, and as true as His word is, He gave me just enough!!! And yes, that was only the tuition cost, I still haven't thoroughly figured the cost for living but it's in His hands, I have faith that God won't bring me there and let me starve to death =P I trust in Him, even when I'm tight in money, I mean this is the God who fed over 5000 with two loaves of bread and five fish, who walked on water, who rose from the dead and conquered sin & death. He is the God who does the impossible!! so in Him I trust =D --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >Heading off to Liberty University this Aug for my three-year Master's program< --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whoo! GUESS WHAT?! I graduated!! Although my whole family was in America for my sister's graduation, my church family came to mine and we had a BLAST!! =D Four years went by so fast that high school memories are still fresh in the back of my head. But God really shaped and mod me during my time in uni. During my exchange semester to the states, God really reshaped my self-image, and give me confidence in who He made me to be. Let me give you some background from where I'm coming from : I studied in a Chinese school from kindergarten to the end of high school, and as a foreigner in a Chinese environment, you get quit a lot of attention. Classmates have always called me "女神", which mean "goddess", because I guess they think I'm pretty?? anyways, so all through school I had an invisible pressure to always be presentable, the best, just very self-conscious of how people think of me, my weight, my hair, my looks. I gained weight after my first heartbreak while entering into college, and I was always feared of meeting up with my old high school classmates cause they might will see my change and think differently of me. I mean, I have a reputation to keep!! But things got worst, a group of new believers started coming to church during that time, they were boys and they loved making fun of my weight, it came to a point where I had the though of not wanting to go to church cause they there, and whenever I see them, they called me "大隻", which meant "huge", "big", "fat". EVERY TIME I go to church!! I started getting so self-conscious that I even brought weight lose pills for a few times. (now, that is messed up!). I will go to the dentist every year, and each year I return, the dentist will none stop commenting on my weigh while working on my teeth. I'm a young girl, and if God wasn't in my life, I could have committed suicide.!! It was getting to much for me to bear. My mother was always very good in helping us with our problems, and our relationship with God. I remember on my 21 birthday, the family was in HK visiting and decided to go to a nice beach to celebrate my birthday. As we were there, one of the boys from church posted a "birthday" wish on my fb wall, and it was a picture of my head keyed on a very masculine body. I BROKE DOWN, and even wanted to leave the beach and just skip my birthday. My mom, as patient and loving as she was, spent half an hour helping me through my sadness and reminding me of who I am in God, my father. And how precious I am to Him. She reminded me that our bodies are not the MOST IMPORTANT thing to us, God is.. Body shapes changes, but who cares, if I person doesn't love you just because of your weight, then he doesn't deserve your love. She reminded me that this body will decay, this body won't last, beauty is fading daily! If I let that take my focus away from God, it's not worth it. I slowly tried to not be that self-conscious, but I still was a little. It was't till I came back from the States when I was truly set free from this bondage. During my time in the States, I saw so many joy filled Christian who were way heavier and "bigger" then I was, but they were confident in who they were and didn't care about what others felt about them. They were literally JOYFUL . Something happened, I forgot how, what or when, but during my time there, God slowly peeled those pieces that I was holding to..... my reputation for being a "女神", my self-conscious, my love for trying to be fit... oh! I remember, one of the thing God used to reshaped me was my roommate in the States. She will go to the gym every week, and is very self-conscious of her body. I see her coming back from the gym and taking pictures and measurements for comparison all the time. It hit me, when I see no real difference in her hard work at the gym after a semester that our self-consciousness of our weight is a serious bondage to us. I started seeing the meaningless of trying to keep the perfect body shape. I realised that God was using my roommate to change my perception of beauty. And I felt what freedom is once again when that bondage is broken! Trails came when I came back to Macau. The second I step foot in church, a "elder" form church said to me, "woo, you gained weight", I replied expressionless that "this is life" and turned around and left the room that had around 10 people, including my brothers, and everyone heard the conversation. This was my first encounter after coming back from the States and being freed, I still needed time to process everything that God is changing in my heart. I wasn't mad at the "elder" that made the comment, cause they are human too, but I guess I was still trying to find a way to respond to those who comments like that. Later that month I was to the dentist again, and with no surprise, the first thing she stated as I walked into the room was my weight and the conversation went through the whole section. she even stated that "it's good that you chin is kinda sharp, you can fool people from a picture", the dentist was working on my teeth so I couldn't respond, but in my heart instead of being so mad at her, I pity her that she is still captive in the bondage (forgot to mention that this dentist is also a Christian friend that our family knows). Anyhow, this was another important thing God has done in my life, and is continuing to shape and mod. I feel lighter now that I don't put others opinions of me higher that God's opinion of me. "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31 : 30 Stay tune to hear about how God used a young girl 20 years ago to be a big part in me going to LU for my masters degree =D
|